Truth Out Loud

November 01, 2005

Cat Eats Mans Toe

In the latest attack by cats on the human population they turn to snacking on humans.

A CAT ran off with its owner’s TOE after he accidentally chopped it off with a kitchen knife.

Udo Ried, 41, dropped a bread knife on his bare foot, slicing off the second toe. He hopped to the bathroom for a bandage — and came back to find Fritz the cat had gobbled up the toe and darted into the garden.

Posted by Sid at 12:02 AM | Comments (0) | Kitten Wars

September 16, 2005

Renewable Energy - Using Cats to Make Gasoline

EUREKA!!! A solution to the evil cat epidemic has arrived. Though the inventor denies he has actually used cats to make fuel note that he did not say it was not possible.

Bild Tuesday wrote a headline: "German inventor can turn cats into fuel -- for a tank he needs 20 cats." The paper on Wednesday followed up with a story entitled: "Can you really make fuel out of cats?"

A spokesman for Bild told Reuters the story was meant to show that cat remains could "in theory" be used to make fuel with Koch's patented method.

Just think, 20 cats per tank, 16 gallon tank at 20 miles per gallon (MPG) means 16 miles per cat (MPC). I smell a moneymaker here.

"I drive my normal diesel-powered car with this mixture," Koch is quoted saying in Bild, next to a large picture of a kitten. "I have gone 170,000 km (106,000 miles) without a problem."

I gotta get me one of these. I would even name it the catmobile.

Carnival of the Trackbacks XXIX

Posted by Sid at 12:51 AM | Comments (0) | Kitten Wars

August 26, 2005

Puppies and Kittens as Shark Bait in France

While I generally think kittens are evil and that there is an ongoing Kitten war this may be against the Geneva Convention regulations on the treatment of kittens in time of war.

Brigitte Bardot, the 1950s and 1960s film star turned animal rights campaigner, has called on the French government to halt the reported use by fishermen on the island of Reunion of live puppies and kittens as shark bait.

But then this is the enlightened French so it must be OK.

Posted by Sid at 12:05 AM | Comments (0) | Kitten Wars

July 25, 2005

Kitten Wars V

It was a quiet day in the home the other day and I headed to the fridge to get a nice cold beverage. While there I spotted the dog lapping up a quick drink to parch his thirst..... Then the cat arrived.

It reached over the dogs head an PUSHED HIS HEAD INTO THE WATER!!

The poor dog backs away from the water snorting, coughing and gagging trying to clear his breathing.

Will these evil feline creatures resort to drowning their victims? I think I will have to make sure I lock the door next time I go soak in the tub.

Posted by Sid at 12:17 AM | Comments (0) | Kitten Wars

May 24, 2005

Kittenwars IV

I am in Oklahoma this weekend and far from the subversive kitten back at home. I thought FINALLY I could sleep at night without having to lock the door or worry about attack. But I was wrong. While unpacking I was jumped by this knife wielding kitten hiding in my room. After a fierce battle involving various karate and judo moves I was able to disarm my assailant and trap him in a closet. The hotel staff was very apologetic so I think they were unaware of what was happening. Wish me luck. I will be here for a few days and I hope there was no backup plan in case this attack failed.

Posted by Sid at 12:16 AM | Comments (0) | Kitten Wars

May 20, 2005

Kitten Wars III

I was walking thru the park the other day and ran across this hostage situation. The wail from the sirens and noise as the choppers circled over head was deafening. Reports are that the kitten was demanding the release of all his comrades held in US prisons. All exits were cut off by SWAT team snipers and road blocks so this rogue kitten terrorist was unable to escape.

The standoff finally ended in a rain of gunfire though luckily no one was harmed.

Posted by Sid at 12:30 AM | Comments (0) | Kitten Wars

May 08, 2005

Kitten wars II

Up till recently, my home has been a blissful pet free zone. But a few weeks ago my wife and daughter decided their efforts to get me to fetch, chew on the furniture, mark my territory and leave brown land mines all over the house were going nowhere. So they brought a new dog named Garner into our home.

While all this was going on it seems my previous comments about the evil kitten world domination theory were picked up at kitten central command. A short time later my daughter was abducted by a kitten commando squad, subjected to various mind control experiments and manipulated into bringing an evil kitten into our home.

This kitten immediately set upon attacking me at every turn. Even this morning I was attacked while USING THE BATHROOM. Later I discovered this kitten trying to knock off his other competition, the dog. My guess is the dog may be the only non-brainwashed loyal member of the family other then me. It was a good thing I arrived to rescue him though, he doesn't appear to be very bright as the kitten appears to talk him into putting himself in mortal danger.

Posted by Sid at 12:27 PM | Comments (1) | Kitten Wars

May 04, 2005

Kitten wars begin

Many of you have heared me blame kittens for the evils in the world. Well finally someone is fighting back.

Wisconsin residents backed a controversial proposal to allow hunters to stalk and kill feral cats, and some naturalists say pet owners should treat the vote as a wake-up call to be more responsible about their furry friends.

See here

Just to demonstrate some of the many atrocities and dangers posed by kittens see the following:

A man cooking in his kitchen was shot after one of his cats knocked his 9mm handgun onto the floor, discharging the weapon, Michigan State Police said.

See here

Be afraid!!

Posted by Sid at 05:46 AM | Comments (0) | Kitten Wars